Epitaphs

Gravestones of unknown people.

Miscellaneous in Tamir

These were former citizens or visitors to the town of Innsmouth, and buried in Whateley cemetery, before it was brought over from the other world.

Here is unknowns from the West Yard;

A woman and her three daughters were poisoned when they drank water from Chelt'nam. Their gravestone read;

"Here I lie with my three daughters,

who died drinking Chelt'nam waters.

If we had stuck to Epsom Salt,

We should not sleep in this cold vault."

A man died when he fought one Simon Byrne. His gravestone read;

"Strong and athletic was my frame;

Far from my native home I came,

And madly fought with Simon Byrne; Alas! but liv'd not to return.

Reader, take warning by my fate;

If you ever fought before, Determine now to fight no more."

An unknown death was marked on another grave simply as;

"Here I Am!"

Another grave stone was marked just as simply;

"He done died."

Here is the gravestones from the East Yard;

On a poor woman's grave it read;

"Here lies a poor woman who was always tired,

She lived in a house where help wasn't hired:

Her last words on earth were: "Dear friends, I am going

To where there's no cooking, or washing, or sewing,

For everything there is exact to my wishes,

For where they don't eat there's no washing of dishes,

I'll be where loud anthems will always be ringing,

But have no voice I'll be quiet of the singing,

Don't mourn for me now, don't mourn for me never,

I am going to do nothing for ever and ever.

Another gravestone for a woman read;

"1634 to 1672

She done her best.

On a grave for another man, it read;

"At length, my friends, the feast of life is o'er,

I've eat sufficient, and I'll drink no more;

My night is come, I've spent a jovial day,

'This time to part, but oh!--what is to pay?"

On the gravestone of a man and wife buried together it reads;

Within this grave do lie, Back to back, my wife and I;

When the last trump the air shall fill,

If she gets up, I'll just Lie still.

Yet another for a man;

Whoe'er you are,

tread softly, I entreat you,

For if he chance to wake,

be sure he'll eat you.

Behind the scenes

The Chelt'ham/Epsom epitaph is based on this one;

Here lies I and my three daughters,

Kill’d by drinking Cheltenham waters;

If we had stuck to Epsom salts,

We’d not been a lying in these here vaults.

Published in Funny Epitaphs, Boston: The Mutual Book Company, 1900.

Simon Byne was a boxer. The epitaph in KQ4 is actually based on the one from Alexander McKay's gravestone in Hanslope Churchyard. Byrne had killed Alexander McKay during a fight on June 2, 1830.

Very little is known about the Tired Woman, but apparently the actual epitaph is known as the A/The Tired Woman's Epitaph and can be tracked back to before 1850 (its location is unknown. It may just be someone's anonymous poem.

She done her best, maybe based on this one;

And when I lie in the green kirkyard,

With the mould upon my breast,

Say not that she did well—or ill,

“Only, She did her best.”

Mrs. Craik (Miss Mulock). Given in her obituary notice in the Athenæum, Oct. 22, 1887.

The second to last is a tombstone on a glutton or an epicurion. While the tombstones locations are unknown, the books listed in the citations go back to at least 1780.

The last gravestone with the man and wife buried together is based on one in Barlinine Cemetery, Glasgow, Scotland.

Here beneath this stone we lie

Back to back my wife and I

And when the angels trump shall trill

If she gets up then I'll lie still!