Cat's Cute & Thorough King's Quest VII: The Princeless Bride Review

Cat's Cute and Thorough Review
For the first time, we get to meet Valanice and learn more about her character instead of her just being someone in the background. We also learn how spoiled and self-centered Rosella can be.

The game begins with Valanice talking with Rosella about it being time for her to find a man to marry. However, Rosella is not quite ready to marry. She has more adventuring she wants to do.

As her mother is talking to her, Rosella watches a dragonfly fly into a lake. She looks in after it and notices a castle in some clouds. For some reason, she decides to jump into the lake and follow it. Valanice quickly realizes what happens and jumps in after her. Valanice then sees Rosella's arm being grabbed but can't get to her in time to try pulling her back.

Next thing we know, Valanice has landed in a desert. She starts walking and tears her dress on a cactus. Somehow, though, we never see that tear again. In this desert, Valanice has to find two pieces of turquoise that fit together to form an arrow to open the door to go to another land. Valanice must battle a scorpion, give a dead man a drink of water, and deal with a VERY annoying jackalope.

Then we pick up with Rosella, who has just been pulled into the Vulcanix Underground by King Otar, the Troll King. However, Rosella has been turned into a troll the moment she entered the Underground! She quickly meets Mathilde, the former nanny of King Otar.

Mathilde explains that she can turn Rosella back into her original form if she will bring her five ingredients. As Rosella's getting the different ingredients, she finds a dragon toad. She takes that back to Mathilde, and it tells her that King Otar is somewhere in Ooga Booga... meaning the King Otar that brought Rosella to the Vulcanix Underground is not the real King Otar!

Rosella quickly finds the rest of the ingredients and Mathilde makes the potion. Rosella is returned to her original form (and temperament), and she takes a bucket up through a hole in the earth to reach Ooga Booga. Just as she reaches the top, the rope breaks!

And just as we're wondering if Rosella will survive, we go back to Valanice, who is also in a life-threatening situation. She is about to be attacked in the cave she just entered by a Gila monster (no idea what that is, but that's the name for it I found online).

Valanice quickly throws a piece of prickly fruit to it, and it eats it all up and walks away (probably to sleep off it's full belly). Valanice meets up with a stag, Attis, who is sitting in front of an oak tree, nice and somber-like.

He tells her that he and his wife, Ceres, were cursed and turned into a stag and tree. Valanice continues to the town north of there, Falderal. When she enters, she is met by the Archduke Fifi le Yip-Yap.

Once she tells him of her tale, he bawls his eyes out and lets her enter and explore the town. So, she meets Fernando, the china shop bull who lost his china bird Treasure, and a psychotic chicken who runs around screaming that the sky is falling.

Valanice spends some time exploring Falderal and the surrounding countryside and meets the Rock Spirit who knows how to turn Attis and Ceres back to their original forms. Valanice makes it back to Falderal, the moon falls out of the sky into a fountain, she fishes it out with a shepherd's hook, and is then arrested for stealing the moon.

We come back to Rosella, who is (still) hanging on for dear life in Ooga Booga. The gravedigger stretches out his shovel, and Rosella quickly grabs it and is pulled to safety.

He talks to her about Iggy, his missing rat that operates his grave-digging machine. Rosella walks around Ooga Booga and finds the home belonging to Dr. Cadaver, a guy who gave his spine away (either that or it was stolen by the two wild kids who live in the pumpkin). She saves Iggy from those kids and gives it back to the gravedigger, and then later, a live cat that those kids are trying to bury alive.

Rosella goes to where the boogeyman lives (in the ground) and sees that he's not home. She calls the gravedigger to the scene, enters the home and a coffin and finds King Otar. Eventually, Rosella ends up at Malicia's house.

She does some exploring and finds some type of mysterious device. Then she heads to Falderal with King Otar (who has turned himself into a scarab to stay anonymous) to find the secret entrance to the Vulcanix Underground. King Otar turns back into a troll when they make it to the laboratory where the false troll is operating the volcano to destroy Eldritch.

Just as the two troll kings are fighting, we're back to Valanice in Falderal. She uses a rubber chicken to throw the moon back into the sky, which then allows the Archduke to let her go. Valanice leaves Falderal and has to save Attis and Ceres.

She restores the cornicopia and river of life, both which were dry/empty. She then heads to Ooga Booga, where she helps restore the headless huntman, his wife, and their dog. Valanice travels to Etheria where she talks to the three Fates, who tell her about what's going on in the Vulcanix Underground. Long story short, Valanice travels to Dreamland to save Lady Mab (the queen of dreams, I believe), and then is stranded on a mountain.

Next thing we know, we're back to the two troll kings fighting. Rosella uses a wand she has to zap the false troll king. The false troll king becomes Edgar and Malicia comes in and sends Rosella into the volcano. Rosella digs her way out of the volcano and ends up back in the laboratory. She wakes up King Otar, who is able to shut off the volcano. (When did volcanoes become mechanically operated??).

There is a happy reunion between Rosella and Edgar, but Malicia comes in and interrupts it by killing Edgar. Rosella uses the mysterious device she found earlier on Malicia, which turns her into a baby. Then she uses the life she got from the cat she saved in order to bring Edgar back to life.

Ending sequence goes something like this: Titania, Oberon, and Valanice enter. There's a reunion between Titania, Oberon, and Edgar, their son. Valanice and Rosella hug. Titania wonders what went wrong with her sister, Malicia, and will raise her. Then, when they're in Etheria, Edgar wishes to court Rosella. This time, she agrees. Is it because she now realizes he's a prince??