User blog:BennyCupster/EPIC RAP BATTLE: KING GRAHAM OF DAVENTRY VS. GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD



MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!

KING GRAHAM OF DAVENTRY…

…VS…

…GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD!!!!!!

BEGIN!

• Guybrush Threepwood: •
WATCH OUT, GRAHAM! don't stand so close to that ledge;

A brush with this guy's prone to pushing posers over the edge.

No Silver Lining in the deal; straight–up Big Whooping your ass!

Spit–striking like a poison snake; my verbal venom acts fast.

I rebound your rhymes like a rubber tree;

Shut you out your Door of Destiny.

Sharpest wit and tongue on the seven seas;

An adventurer, I was meant to be!

My Monkey Kombat skills are mythical;

Comeback mastery unequivocal.

Mad voodoo in every syllable;

Call a duel with me unwinnable!

Patent mighty pirate, here to plunder your throne.

I catapult my words at you like un–romanceable stones,

Because you're feather–lite on skill; I'm Mega–Monkey–extra–packed,

So go on yonder to the road and give a honk for Sam and Max!

So skilled in insult–swordplay;

My second–biggest forte.

Be trained and famed on Mêlée,

Laying waste to those I waylay!

You're like Murray, get it through your thick skull: you're all bark;

So many ways to die, call you the medieval Isaac Clark.

It's a recipe for failure if you're looking to debunk me;

I'm a legendary sailor, fabled like a triple–monkey!

• Graham: •
Not a smart move, Gaybrush; now, I'll say this once:

To Heir is Human, but to challenge me's beseeming of a dunce.

On a quest for my crown, best come equipped with a plan;

Talking 'bout some life insurance, baby: better call Stan.

You scurvy sack of SCUMM! How can this softie be for real?

I stop a pirate in his tracks with his own copyright wheel.

Poems altogether smashing; putting out the flames of haters,

For I'm more than Rather Dashing, and you ain't no Burninator!

Don't hold your breath on seeing my death; I won't be holding ploys.

I'm Sierra's golden boy; fair Lady Williams' pride and joy.

When I deploy my Rap KQ, you'll lose yourself; my flow is endless,

Like the desert. Bust it like a wizard; you must be the princess!

Stab these rhythms reliably, like a secret society,

Of the Black Cloak variety; perfect score, undeniably!

• Guybrush Threepwood: •
I'm shaking, I'm shaking! Is that all you got?

I've heard more profound philosophy from Herman Toothrot!

I call you out on all your bull, because you fight like a cow,

But I milk verses' worth in full, and you're in deep water now;

Yo, just you try to stay afloat!

I'll buck you like a billy goat,

And watch you drown in your own moat.

Ain't that a hole in a boat?

I've got the governess's vote, and the Force is strong in me;

Bury haters under snow for staying a course of wronging me.

I'll see you walk the plank Today and have your Heirs Gone by Tomorrow,

Make your queen a Princeless Bride, and leave your Kingdom full of Sorrow!

My flow's a wild ride like Mr. Bones; its end is never.

You'll get fried so bad, AGD can't remake you back together.

To have the last laugh on me's like making Death cry,

But running you into a dead end's as easy as fruit pie!

• Graham: •
So much for being a pirate man of high moral fiber;

Now to boot you off your island like this battle was Survivor!

That your Ultimate Insult? Here's my answer to it for ya':

Shove these occult lyrics down your throat like it's Phantasmagoria;

Leave you looking ass–backwards like Rumplestiltskin's name,

'Cause I be holding all the cards like this was Hoyle's Book of Games!

Castaway you and your wife; put that Sea Monkey under.

Raps massive; way larger than life, like Graham's Number.

The cat is in the bag, and the bag is in the river;

Systems On–Line, time to point, click, stand and deliver!

Keep your Tales of your Escapes from that old Cursed, Secret island,

And your lousy T–shirt treasures; mine are measured in diamonds.

You'll feel a strange pulling sensation when you've stepped in my trap,

And that's my raps wrapping around you like a wrap–around map.

The Sense Gnomes sense no hint of danger coming from you,

But I ain't scared to run you through with your own Cutlass of Kaflu!

I'll go Manannan on your ass if you persist to disobey me,

So lest you be turned to Ash, hail to the king, baby.

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

I DECIDE!!!!

MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!

Poll
Who Won? Guybrush Threepwood King Graham of Daventry